This section of our website tells the story of our journey through porn recovery, infidelity, and our spiritual transformation. We share the stories of the early days of our marriage crisis and how we navigated through these difficult times.

Church has always been a huge part of my life. My family was part of a very conservative (Amish-Mennonite) church. The myriad rules and the consequences for breaking them became so thoroughly woven into the fabric of my being that it dramatically shaped my view of God from a very young age.

I was on a path that I knew would eventually cost me my marriage and my family - possibly within the year. It was terrifying to feel like there was a part of me that I couldn’t understand, couldn’t live without, and couldn’t control and it was dragging me into hell. 

When I heard ‘kingdom of heaven’ I had perceived only of a post-earth experience. I had made the mistake of thinking that eternal life is what you get after you die if you’ve followed all the right rules and acted properly in this life. I thought getting saved was primarily about avoiding hell in the afterlife. 

It can’t be this simple or this good. He started revealing to me his absolute ever presence. I began to see God everywhere I looked. Everything I saw around me sparkled with new life. Hope almost burst my heart open.

"Take this cup from me" I agonized, my face buried in the rug as I lay in the middle of the living room at 3 am one morning. I couldn't bear the thought of being exposed, of facing my family.

Over the past year, MJ and I had grown closer than ever. Our relationship was better than it had ever been during our 17 years of marriage.

Just 13 months prior, I’d had a profound spiritual encounter with Jesus Christ that flooded my soul with love and cut me free from the chains of sin and addiction. 

“You can let it go, you know.” Her eyes gazing into my soul.

“Whatever you’re carrying around in there, you can let go of it. Just get it out”

She kept looking at me, waiting for me to unburden myself of the terrible burden I was carrying around.

My mind was spinning, calculating the risk of having this conversation. She knew I had something hidden in the dark and she was inviting me to come out into the light.

“You can let it go, you know.” Her eyes gazing into my soul.

“Whatever you’re carrying around in there, you can let go of it. Just get it out”

She kept looking at me, waiting for me to unburden myself of the terrible burden I was carrying around.

My mind was spinning, calculating the risk of having this conversation. She knew I had something hidden in the dark and she was inviting me to come out into the light.