Chapter 7 | There is Hope
This is from a series of blog posts I wrote back in 2020 to share the background for what was to come. It will help you understand the context of the rest of the stories if you read this introductory series.
Over the past year, MJ and I had grown closer than ever. Our relationship was better than it had ever been during our 17 years of marriage.
Just 13 months prior, I’d had a profound spiritual encounter with Jesus Christ that flooded my soul with love and cut me free from the chains of sin and addiction.
My spiritual awakening started me on a road of setting things right. For the first time in my life, I had hope that I could live a life free from the powers that had gripped me for so long.
The dynamics of our marriage started to shift. As I began to live in the light, my relationship with my MJ and our children started flourishing.
I began to tell her about a dark season in my life 10 years ago, where I had fallen and broken my vows to her. God’s Spirit pulled me forward into truth in a way that felt inevitable, and I faced my fears by revealing one small part of my story.
My confession was met with grace and mercy. And strength. An unbelievable, supernatural strength.
That night after we got home we kept talking. So much pain and so much beauty swirled around us as I revealed some of the shameful and painful details of my past. MJ gently encouraged me to just come clean about everything. Just get it out there.
She knew there were still things I hadn't told her, but I couldn't find the way forward that night. I told her "honey, I have more I need to tell you, but I can't see my way forward tonight. I promise you that I will tell you everything as soon as I can see the path. I think it will be soon. Are you willing to walk down that road with me?"
We held each other tight and looked into each other’s eyes. I could see the pain and fear in her eyes and I could feel it in my soul. But there was something else there too.
Hope.
A hope that perhaps whatever was on the other side of this hell was something more like heaven. That perhaps, as I walked the path of truth and love that I would become the trustworthy lover that her heart had always longed for.
She promised me that she would wait for me and walk down that path when I'm ready, and I gave her my word that the moment that I had the courage and clarity to speak all of the truth, I would do so. It wouldn't take long.
